[Orchid.ua]

What the fuck is happening to me???
I catch myself on dreaming of...meeting him and receiving the hug/kiss I suspiciously like - and I've already written I can't stand people touching me. But for some reason I like holding his hand and feeling him close to myself. Maybe it is because I know he has not a single thought of fucking.

I know what is serious for me is fuckin common for him, like a spit out of the window. He hugs and kisses all girls, and it doesn't have any special meaning for him. Moreover, he has fucked about 10 girls this year - without any pleasure, as he told me. I know I am one of many for him, and that he doesn't like me. But I miss him for some reason...

I have forgotten my pills at home, so drink to fall asleep. And throw up in about half an hour, of course - I cannot drink alcohol at all.
Never thought insomnia could be a problem for me. Once hardly kept from calling him... But he will never know I miss him. That's the question of my dignity.

I'd love to go out with sb. But who with? I am trying to get to used to this fact...
I am alone at home, with the huge white cat.

Comments

[Amwyn Mailas]

Alone at home... Я тебя очень понимаю. Тоже самое. Только я бы сказала, alone but not lonely.
Не знаю даже, что тебе посоветовать((( Пройдись, прогуляйся одна, если не с кем. Гуляй по вечерам и пей молоко перед сном - бессонница быстро пройдет.

[Orchid.ua]

Mindless. Relentless., nothing helps. But living alone was better - at least I was completely with myself only, and now people around annoy me - they are here, but not with me...