[Orchid.ua]

Soundtrack to the mood.

Yes, I am alone.

Today was walking along a busy road, under the blossoming bushes on the right. Some melodic death in headphones, a can of energy drink in the hand. I dared to dream after about a year of forbidding myself to do it. What about? Not a big secret, I was dreaming about something that will never be possible for me. Sincere romantic attitude. I wish I had a person who would enjoy staying with me and wouldn't be ashamed. Impossible, impossible, yes... I realise. I also made sure I shouldn't dream as dreams of ugly people never come true.

Ugly people must have been created so that happy ones would feel better.

@настроение: lonely

Comments

[perkele.Oy]

I wish I was a man. I would be with you and be proud of being with such a girl. One day some man will appreciate you at your true value, I promise.
I am now alone too, and I feel more free and independent, while alone I started to hope for something more promising. I have time for myself, for self-development and for thinking my own thoughts, without someone's interference. We shall not give up)

[Orchid.ua]

Eeva, LOL I also wish I was a guy. We could be a gay couple and would be able to pee on a wall. )))
Thanks, but this "some day" will never come, and I don't need anything when I'm 90, even now when it's over 30, i'stoolate.Everyone needs little cuties. I am old and I look old, I'd be treated like an adult,like a whore, and I'm neither a woman not a whore.
You are noticed, you are a beauty, you're interesting and have attention. I'm nothing and I have to get out of skin to get at least a second of attention, I don't have it in positive signs so often. No photographer noticed me at the party, and it is also a sign of my ugliness.
You don't give up because you have chances, and for me everything has been lost forever.

[perkele.Oy]

People also sometimes treat me like a whore, like something brainless and shallow. It doesn't insult me, becouse I don't care, because there are people, who know me and for whom I am not an empty space. But got used to them and sometimes forget about their attitude towards me.
The same thing about you. You either do not take into consideration people, who like you, or you don't want people to come close to you o get to know you.

You are not old, you look about 19-20 years old, but I don't know you real age and it does not matter at all. It's more important on what age do you feel yourself, and if you fell old and exhausted, there must be something to improve the situation. Something, that may change your view. It may be a friend, a work, a hobby - whatever that may have influence on you. It's a nice feeling to wake up once in the morning and to feel different, to feel free from everything that had bound you. Just give it up and make a list of your top priorities to see what is really important for you. And the things will come to you - you'll be surprised how easily! - you just have to direct your emotions, your strength in the right direction, sorry for repetition)

[Orchid.ua]

Eeva, I have friends, but they know me from a different side, friends don't care about looks. But all males take me as a whore for one use, no one treats me the way I'd like, they want me to run after them, they spit at my ugly face and laugh that an ugly girl is in love with them. It hurts. It kills.
I am not 14, I'm treated like a woman. I hate it.
Nothing helps. neither hobbies, nor work, parties (the last one proved that I'm nothing). I always wake up with tears as I know nothing good will ever happen to me. What can be? University shit, work that has no perspectives and isin fact not work but practice... Homework and exams... Nothing good ever happens. Even when Idrink, I only have pain in the stitches and throw up all the time.
A list would only show what a shit I am, I've tried that. What is more, I feel so weak physically, that I cannot do anything even when I know the teacher will kill me if I don't do it.
I don't want anything as all good things in this world are not for bad people like me.

[Добрый Разбойник]

You're a god man girl, Orchid.ua! Что бы ты там не говорила

[Orchid.ua]

Добрый Разбойник, thanks... But then why am I single? An why is everyone ashamed of me?

[Добрый Разбойник]

Может тебя окружают не те люди?

[Orchid.ua]

Добрый Разбойник, at University, work, the internet, in the streets?... Everyone just has their little cuties. Nobody needs an ugly giant like me. I'm a shame for everyone. There are no single people who would like me. I'm a shame.

[Добрый Разбойник]

Мне ты не кажешься такой ужасной, какой ты себя описываешь. А я обычно не ошибаюсь в людях : )

[Orchid.ua]

Добрый Разбойник, thanks, but I'm a bitch, no one likes me.. I'm alone...

[perkele.Oy]

we like you, calm down)

[Orchid.ua]

Thanks, but I meant real life... Guys have their little shitty cuties, no one gives a fuck about me. I'd give anything to be met after classes by someone who doesn't ;laugh at me and doesn't want to hurt me...
If I get the additional job, I'd be able to pay male whores for holding my hand. I'll get more if $200 is not enough, I promise I'll pay as much as they ask me to... I only wish some guy pretended he doesn't think I'm a stupid freak, didn't laugh at me and pretended he has a kind and loving attitude.