5 minutes of silence..

I have hidden from everyone...

"That's what a small child means " - said my 6-year-old brother speaking about my 5-year-old nephew.

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And me.....

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My Happiness

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Loneliness

I am lonely again. Having no one I realize how dear is my past to me.

Love doesn't exist. I am sure.

I used to think someone is in love with me.This is what I do not think so now.

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Kurva come back

At last I am back after having had an eye saurgery.

I would love to thank my doctors for saving my eyesight.

Today I met a new friend and this is one of the main achievements.

My jaelosity to everyone and everything is killing me slowly as well as my loneliness is.

My love's article has appeared in a newspaper.

And I got forbidden to say" I love you" For some time.

Got 3 cds of Fleur.

Thesae are the main news.

Waiting for a letter from the YPP.

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Depressed

Every spring I get into this fuckin condition.

I am that way even now.

I think my heart is going to stop in some minutes so please tell the people who will find me dead in front of my dad's office computer I didn't kill myself.

There are some people and events helping me not to drown in all this.

My boyfriend is coming to the office today to see me.

Kaori had her birthday on Saturday.My congratulations!!!

Mana-sama, Miya's true love had his birthday on March,19.Doing sth connected with him gives her the power for further living.

And some funny things:

Some days before we stopped for a kiss.I noticed people staring at us,the two goths.we turned out to be standing in front of an office of a company responsible for burying people.

@настроение: trying to get out

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No comment...

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Never be the same again...

I know being too curious will never make sth good.But I did sth that made me feel nervous.

A person I love very much gave me the password so that I would be able to read his email.He said he has never had a girlfriend before and I believe and trust him.But there were so many letters from girls with their photos...

No, no, I am not jealous!!!!

Well, maybe a bit jealous...

Ok, a lot!!!

They look much better than I do...

I know he will be with me forever and ever but I am still jealous.It is a part of my fuckin personality.

The day was good despite the English lesson that wakes up my desire to do crime - a murder.Of our teacher who hates me and has put me an "8" mark for two mistakes and tries to make us think her way.

I can only say she is an old fucking dumb bitch!!!

I also got 12 at the chemistry lesson and my mum will let me see my boyfriend one more time!!!

Today we almost did that...But I feel ashamed as I am told to be behaving myself like a prostitute.I am not!!!

I just love him.

A question to you,my diary readers: do you consider me to be a bitch and a prostitute?

You can post your thoughts in the comments, feel free to do that.

I will be extermely grateful!!!

Thanx!!!

I am completely disappointed...

By the way, Daisy, his cat,has a very interesting way of scratching - having tried to scratch me,she hides her paw in her fur at once not to show she has done that.

my boyfriend asys it is because Daisy is scared of everyone and everything.Just like me.

@музыка: Fleur:Будь моим смыслом

@настроение: strange

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Where am I?

Today I saw my love.At last!!!Well,this is the good news I have for today.

But I am ready to turn myself inside out!!!

What a fucking condition!

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I miss you...

One more prison-like staying in Yaremcha.Yes,it is really like staying in prison as I am dying without my boyfriend.

The day I arrived here was unsuccessful,as usual.

I got ill.A fucking condition!

Now staying at my aunt's I just keep thinking about him.

I got acquainted with his mother!!!And also with Daisy,his cat.What a cute creature!!!It looks just like a teddy-bear and I didn't think of it to be a scratching and biting cat.

I did my best to make a good first impression,the only thing she didn't like was the fact he was holding me "like a spider having caught a butterfly".She thought I didn't like that.I love this!!!

...I have just talked to my love.He has some unpleasant news.

They were going to get three apartments in spring and to live separately.He said I will live with him.

But nothing ever happens the right way - he will have to live with one of his parents and none of them wants to live with him.

His mother has told him something about me.And in the evening I will get to know what it is.

Nearly dead from my illness.Just a cold,but really terrible.

When will this all finish?!

People,I am really sorry for my fucking diary,I always say what a fucking cunt my life is.But it is true.

I'm sorry...

@музыка: Lndon after Midnight:Spider and the Fly

@настроение: waiting...

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At last!!!I am online!

Hi!

At last I got here!!!

So many things have happened recently...

A fucking situation at school but a wonderful one in my personal life.

I even didn't have time to do my black gothic manicure!

By the way, my aerobics teacher taught me how to paint the lips black.That is only a dark brown lipstick and an eye or eyebrow black pencil over it.

I have some pictures of myself looking that way in my new mobile I am now learning to use.I still don't know any ways of passing them to the computer.

Having a boyfriend is a cool thing.But my parents make us hide all the time,I am even afraid to imagine waht can happen if they see us kissing.

By the way, I had my first French kiss on November,16.That was wonderful!(Now I can say "as it always is").

But nothing is completely perfect...

i had my birthday on December,4 and now I am one year older.But I still remain the stupid blonde I used to be despite I am a goth...

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Each day is getting crazier than the last

Tomorrow the Ukrainian language and literature contest takes place< on Sunday we will take part in the biology contest...

So when will we have sth like a rest and SLEEPING?!

I think it is not our destiny...

The slaves of studying...

@настроение: sleepy

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I LOVE YOU!!!

I am not single anymore.

I have found a person I am happy with.

WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!

At last!

I started believing in fairy tales - love is one of them.

But I like all this.

Our plans are quite serious...

Despite my parents hate us and our relationships, we will be together.

We don't exist without each other!

@настроение: in love forever, devoted for ever and ever

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Nothing to do

What a stupid thing I am doing now-checking my mail hundreds times a second.

Hoping to get a letter.

No one on ICQ.

Last time online - I will be away from the computer for the whole week!

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What have I found in it?

In something I am always looking at from the office smoking room.

It is not beautiful...not interesting...indefinite...dark...gloomy...Just like me.

I know almost everyone would think I have lost my mind if they see what I like.

But I do.And no one's opinion matters for me.Almost.

If only I could look at this for ages thinking about everythingin this fucking world.

Who am I?

What for?

For whom?

I thought only very old people can have stupid and childish thoughts.

But I have mistaken one more time.

I considered myself tobe too young for that.

But I already have it.

@настроение: dreaming

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Don't wake me up!!!

What is going on?

It can't be reality but this also isn't a dream.It is too real for a dream.

Tomorrow I am going to the Carpathians again.For the whole week.For m sister's wedding.

I will be feeling terrible pain then as 700 km will be between us.

But my mother will order me to smile, not to wear my goth clothes, not to speak about gothic...

I will stay shut up!

Maybe this will happen when I wake up?

For the last week I felt like my dreams were coming true.

Every day i saw the one I like and, maybe even sth like love.

I don't believe in it but I think I can become addicted soon.

Every time I see my journalist, I feel terrible pain but I can't wait to see him again.

And my dear goth friend - I can't wait to see him, he is the only one who is able to kill my pain.

Who is always with me and understands me completely.

Whom I have known for about a month but I can't imagine my life without him.

What is happening to me?

I am also sory - I didn't manage to help Miya with her article.Sorry!!!

Sorry,dear.I am a bitch, I know.

Sorry.

All people who communiocate with me feel pain, nothing can be the way it must be when I am around.

I hope I will never wake up from this dream.

waiting to see him one more time...

@музыка: something indefinite

@настроение: indefinite

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My Ukrainian diary

Here is the link to my diary written in Ukrainian: http://www.livejournal.com/users/gothic_orchid/

The thoughts are sometimes different, sometimes - the same.

But what can we all expect from a stupid blonde like me?

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The lost hope

You thought I have disappeared from your life?

Are you sure?

I will be back.

I will come.At night.

I will bite you and drink your blood.

And I will fall dead near you at once having poisoned with your indifference.

Or , maybe , even hatred as I know your attitude to me is negative and it has taken over you , it is all over you.

I will email you my goth pic.

You didn't like loving Orchid - maybe you will like this new one.

everything as you want it.

@музыка: Avril Lavigne:Losing grip

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My bad habit

I do have one more bad habit.

It is sitting on a windowsill of an open window and looking down despite I am afraid of height.

I love sitting in a small room at the office where all people go to smoke.I hate it when someone smokes near me.

But I go there to be alone.I sit on a windowsill and look down.Think of everything a stupid blonde like me can think of.

There is such a beautiful sight I can see from that window...

But all this ends when someone comes...

On my way there.

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Everything good finishes quickly...

I have just met the one I like.

Yes, I really like him.

He is not Igor, my loved sports journalist who causes terrible pain in my heart.

He is my goth friend I got acquainted with in a really strange way.

My parents didn't want to let me go to the Children Of The Night goth party.I got angry and decided to go to sleep earlier than midnight (I usually go to sleep at midnight).Having come out of the bathroom I noticed my mobile had received an sms message.

To be honest, my first thoughts were "What fuck does someone want from me?"

The message was from someone from the Ukrainian Gothic Portal.

The day before I asked if someone knew anything about where the party will take place and if I could go there.

We started sending messages to each other and there was no day when we didn't contact.

After some days of communicating that way we found out both of us are from Kyiv.

The next decision was to meet.

At the first meeting I was with Lena, my friend.

Both of us liked each other and some days later he offered me to meet one more time.

Just after the meeting I thought he was disappointed as he said he doesn't like blondes.

Now I think I like him.I like him very much and I am not against having some close relationships with him.

But I have made a terible mistake - he knows everything!!!

About my love to the journalist.

It is not love.I am just addicted.

I know there can be nothing between me and Igor.

Some days before several people told me they are sure the ring he wears is a wedding one.

People, does anyone know if someone will ever fall in love with me?

What am I asking?!

I know I will be single forever as I don't deserve to be loved.

@музыка: Limp Bizkit:Behind blue eyes

@настроение: totally lost