Overheard

"They are always the best - because they are ours..."(c)
But whose am I? We know the answer... That means I'm the worst...

@музыка: deafening silence

@настроение: lonely

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I wish...

I wish I could stop drawing Germans with wings...

@музыка: words in German

@настроение: German...dreaming...

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LOL

The English lesson... As usual people are doing whatever they want but not to show it off to the teacher. My friend was playing with the eraser while I was drawing pictures of different kinds of suicide.

An excercise: we were asked to tell the teacher what things could be broken, cracked, stained, torn etc.

My classmate wanted to mention paper - but not all paper in the world. As we all know, there are 2 main exprеssions: "a sheet of paper" and "a piece of paper". Sergiy mixed them into one and said: "a piece of sheet can be torn" - but it sounded as a "piece of shit".

Everyone just fell down on their tables, even the teacher. I didn't know she knows exprеssions like that. I once wanted to perform a joke by asking her what the word "fuck" means. ^_^

*ROFL*

@музыка: Фактично Самі: Листи

@настроение: *ROFL*

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I
KNOW
I
MUST
STAY
SILENT
FOREVER

@музыка: deafening silence

@настроение: lost

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WTF again?

But where am I if not there?
I still don't know what to answer to that in-a-relationship guy who wants me to help him and his bitch to publish the article... I think I will stay silent for a couple of days. And then... Then I will remind him... "See who I am, break through the silence..." (c)

He calls me a good person and right after this asks for help. But that day he said I'm like one of the most stupid goth community. That he thought I'm different, but I'm absolutely the same, like them... I'm not his literature agent.

They are together. They have 2 heads. He has a dick to think with, and she has a cunt to accept and support his thoghts.. What can be the help frm me?
Yes, my boss is a whore hopper, a male bitch and so on. But I will never bring people I don't know to the magazine. Who knows their sense of responsibility and the quality of work?

My phone is dead. Just like me. I'm falling down on the cold floor - it halps to reduce pain a bit. A few pills of a strong painkiller and a cup of bitter coffee... How soon will I die?...
The floor is as cold as I am inside... It's shaking and..the blood stains on it look nice... I hope I will never be able to stand up. I will not kill myself - waiting is the best way of suicide....

@музыка: Lacrimosa: Angst (the whole CD)

@настроение: lost

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Endless

It's endles killing pain... My eyes... I can't clearly see what I am typing... I'm tired of this virtual life taking over me - but I also don't have the real life...

WHAT FOR??? WHAT DO THEY WANT?? WHY DON"T THEY SIMPLY KILL ME??

ALL people in the world have their beloved ones. They tell me I will have soon too. They have been telling this to me for already a year. And what do I have now? NOTHING!!!! Stop lying to me!!!

I am the last single person in this world... Even all guys I try to find online - they all have their girls. They want to have me as a friend - and ask to publish their articles in the magazine. You know what?? You're together!! So do everything by yourself. I am tired of helping fuckin happy couples.

You're right - I'm jealous!!! This is running in my cursed veins and doing all the evil I do. I'm tired...

Why life and pain are the same?
Single forever... Nothing can be worse...
I know nobody wants an ugly creature like me... But hoped to have someone at least virtually....

@музыка: Within Temptation: The truth beneath the rose

@настроение: LONELY

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A friend's birthday!!!

 [Дианулька], happy birthday to you!!!

@музыка: Cruxshadows: Birthday

@настроение: HAPPY

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WTF?

he often said it. ^^ (he used this too)
Why is he always online? For whom?
Why has the status changed?
What happened to My Prince?
He doesn't tell me anything - yes, I know I am dead for him. In fact I don't show my being online. But he knows he can contact me whenever he wants...
I miss him....
What is going on with my sweetheart?...
I am waiting for any message from him, even if I am offline all the time...

@музыка: Кому Вниз: Птаха на ймення Nachtigall

@настроение: depressed/lonely/lost

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Playing with webcam again...

@музыка: Lacrimosa: Liebesspiel

@настроение: lonely

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Sth strange...

He has been online for 3 days already... Strange of him. and the status on MySpace... I'm really worrying about him - has anything bad happened? Yes, I disappeared. But doesn't he remember there's a shadow he can call any time he wants?
Whatever attitude he has to me now - I love him the same way, not less. yes, he is not mine. But I am his.

My bugs. Fuck it all.

I hardly keep myself from writing "Hi, My Prince!" like I used to do when we both were single.
It's cold. Too cold to feel sth. The snow outside - it is so depressing... I wish I could be buried under it.

Each day I realise I don't want to live anymore. Who for? What for?
This world is not for lonely and ugly ones. EVERYONE has their beloved ones. And all guys are proud of their girls. It H U R T S. Too much for anything to kill. Too weak to kill me.

How long will this shit last?

I think there are too many questions... I'm sorry...

@музыка: Lacrimosa: Durch Nacht und Flut

@настроение: lonely

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Had nothing to do...

@музыка: Cruxshadows: Winterborn (This sacrifice)

@настроение: depressed/lonely/lost

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My new professional photos

My new pics can be viewed at MySpace: www.myspace.com/orchidgoth

Unfortunately the one I made them for doesn't need them anymore...

@настроение: depressed

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Another game =)

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IT CAN"T BE TRUE!!!

I lost him... My Prince. Yes, he has never been mine. But it hurts now, I don't know why.
I'm happy for him - because he is happy - and his happiness is everything for me.
I am dead now. But wherever I am - I always care about him...
"Ты мой самый любимый немец..." (с)

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Who am I?

I thought I have got an unusual nickname. I have been "Orchid", "Orchid.ua" or "Wild Orchid" for more than 6 years. And what now?
Everywhere on the net I can see names like mine, different types of them, but based an mine. Why? Have I given anybody the right?
In other words - one more boring post. You can tell me how you hate me right in the comments if you are sick of me and my diary. Or just say whatever you think. I'm ready.
Ok, maybe a name cannot be copyrighted if it is a name of a living creature. But don't they think it is not very nice to steal?
Anyway - I don't exist anymore. My face is ugly - so beautiful girls will be everywhere instead. My name is used by lots of people - and I'm one of many. I am not a personality anymore. Losing friends one by one.
Hope I'm not a ghost or a spirit yet - few people notice me. But they often call me when they need sth.
Who I am? I left my LJ - nobody to keep it for. I lost a person I trusted - so how can I know the others won't betray in a similar way?

Yes, I'm bad.
Yes, I hate beauties.
Really, I'm too aggressive.
I hate myself. I don't have a beloved one.
I don't have anyone.
I'm stupid and ugly.
Are you satisfied?
I told the truth. All the truth.

If someone names herself like me - don't be sure it is really me. I don't exist anymore... I'm not a person...not a human...and not an animal...

@музыка: Lacrimosa: Satura

@настроение: depressed/lonely/lost

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I'm sorry...

Please, forgive me.
I realised what a bad creature I am having lost 3 friends in 2 days. It is what I deserve. But anyway, it hurts.
I will stay silent. The least painful way of keeping myself from screaming is laying down on the cold floor... I will do it not to lose anybody else.
They protect her - "she didn't steal your happiness, it is him who did it all". So fuck off to her. She has my happiness,and, as I feel, she will soon have my friends. Funny. Really.
Forgive my being rude and arrogant. Yes, I'm a beauty hater. Maybe I'm jealous. Because there is nobody to consider me a beautiful one. Some people say it - just because they want a fuck. And they will get nothing.
I don't wish anything bad to anybody except her. And I also want all the beautiful whores of the world to feel what it is - to be ugly.
I'm sorry again...

@музыка: Lacrimosa: Requiem

@настроение: lonely

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***

Life is complete darkness. It is impossible to move in it without having anybody around. And also its impossible to get out if nobody wants to help.

I'm thinking of suicide more and more. It seems to be the only way out, whatever funny it sounds. Hope soon I will get this minute of unbeliavable strength and will be able to open the door to another world and go through it.....

@музыка: does death have this voice?

@настроение: is it coming or not?

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what for?
too much pain, just what I deserve. I'm sorry for my stupid posts. As I already mentioned, here is the only place I can write everything, nobody needs me anymore in reality, even people who were said to adore me.
i miss him.....
sorry for my mistakes....
it hurts - i realise i will NEVER have anyone to love.
my cursed feeling....

@музыка: fading heartbeating

@настроение: depressed

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kill me, please - she is there instead...

Their pic - he was ashamed of me so much, but she hugs her and smiles at that pic... he didnt want to have pics with me... She is there and was instead of me... I didn't want to get ill...
Sorry formy hysterical post - but I have to write it not to scream and injure myself in reality...
I miss him..... What have I done to him except hoing to the hospital for operations??
Yes, she's much better than me... But nevertheless, I feel pain too...
He asked me to dye my hair white the way it wouldn't have the yellow shade...But her hair has it! I'm not jealous - I just don't understand...
Do I still love him?? Who knows...
Now I know who for he asked me for money - and why did he say the truth that he doesn't have anything. Ok - I would give him as much as I can.
Why did he push me away when I told him I loved him? I know, my cursed feeling grew bigger and bigger each day - and this is my bad feature. One of the many. But he told me he likes this....
I don't have words anymore...Just terrible pain...
Taking medicine and thinking - how much will be enough to achieve the Asleep status? Nobody is waiting for me there... Where is he? Maybe he needs help?.....

@музыка: Apocalyptica: In Memoriam

@настроение: depressed

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*meow?*

@музыка: Dust Heaven: Инстинкты

@настроение: meow