I'd kill the one who invented cell phones

It's fuckin annoying when a colleague's phone rings every minute, moreover - with a different ringtone. Is is that hard to turn the sound off at work? (like I do )

UPD: Sorry, I will write in Ukrainian this time... Заєбало!!!!!!!!!
UPD2: OMFG, she puts on headphones and howls sth as if she was singing. A lunatic asylum... O_o

@музыка: pop music from her phone, damn it!

@настроение: annoyed

---

Awesome... No words - just feelings...

21.07.2009 в 22:35

Photos of this person make me believe there is still light somewhere in this world... <3
Пишет  .Dorian Gray:

Стали судьбой...
Не в наших ли ладонях
Мы держим солнце?

@настроение: amorous

---

Pills of happiness

I've bought "happiness pills", but got to know they will work in about a week or 2. Hope that helps at least a bit... I have no choice, and this might help not to cry all the time.
One at 20:00, another one - at 6:30, when everyone is still asleep. Parents should never know...

I am acting like a whore. In fact I am - I invited that guy to meet on Thursday. OMFG.... He was quite shocked and said he had already been invoted somewhere, but he will think. I realise I looked like a whore.... He has a lot of girls, and the ugliest one is running after him...

@настроение: depressed

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????????

What is this??? What is happening around?? Why has everything changed that much? Tell me if you know the answer, I'm too stupid to understand!!

@настроение: desperate

---

I have nothing to lose, so decided to try some new medicine. "Pills of happiness" or how they are called... At least that might help me not to cry at work, these days I run out to wipe tears off too often, and colleagues seem to have noticed something.

I'd give a life to go somewhere after work - and to have someone waiting for me... But I have the way home instead. Yes, unfortunately I have returned to my real home. I loved livin alone at aunt's apartment just because nobody could see my tears, and I could do everything possible to hold them. And here... here everything reminds me of...

I looked in the mirror and realised how ugly I am. Both face and body. I can NEVER look good, whatever I do. When people commented my pics or said sth nice at parties, they meant the outfit, not me. Or why do guys laugh each time I pass by them wearing just jeans and a shirt? This cannot happen without reason. Moreover, it's done by ALL guys.

I'd try to use some dating site, but I don't want to experience the guy's disappointment when he sees me in real life.. I used to think there is some way out - but realised nobody can like me. This means nothing can be done... I have to deal with it.. Have to, but can't...

---

I hate guys!!!!!!!

Sorry. Just hurts.

---

It looks like the end. No more hope despite I had decided to create it by myself. Artificial hope turned out to be unable to exist.
Now I definitely know there's no light in front of me. I have been told everything I needed to know.
I wish there was someone by my side - but not much time has left, I don't need anyone if nobody needs me.
A month has left before The Minute comes.

@настроение: depressed

---

Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Yaoi in the mass-media!!!

Girls!!! Have you seen that??
The new "Ukrainian Week" has yaoi on the cover!!!!!

@музыка: suspicious sounds of the huge USB drive ^^

@настроение: busy

---

What the fuck is happening to me???
I catch myself on dreaming of...meeting him and receiving the hug/kiss I suspiciously like - and I've already written I can't stand people touching me. But for some reason I like holding his hand and feeling him close to myself. Maybe it is because I know he has not a single thought of fucking.

I know what is serious for me is fuckin common for him, like a spit out of the window. He hugs and kisses all girls, and it doesn't have any special meaning for him. Moreover, he has fucked about 10 girls this year - without any pleasure, as he told me. I know I am one of many for him, and that he doesn't like me. But I miss him for some reason...

I have forgotten my pills at home, so drink to fall asleep. And throw up in about half an hour, of course - I cannot drink alcohol at all.
Never thought insomnia could be a problem for me. Once hardly kept from calling him... But he will never know I miss him. That's the question of my dignity.

I'd love to go out with sb. But who with? I am trying to get to used to this fact...
I am alone at home, with the huge white cat.

---

Fuckin news

Girls!! Know what? Whom I met yesterday on the way home?

I was walking along the underground when some fuckhead - I really thought so that moment - embraced my waist!!! I was extremely tired and turned round slowly to give a great slap - and saw it was L. - I will write only the 1st letter of his nickname. Yumi, it is the one you don't really like. ^^

We talked while I waited for the bus, but he didn't go with me as needed to do...shopping. He's going to the seaside soon. Yeah, he will see boobs there! XDD

Then he loaded my brain with a lot of fake "scientific" facts -and I directly asked where does he get all this shit. ^^ Compared me with some goth who is also childfree - and I asked him about ways of pivking that shit up again. Boasted he has left his work - receiving an answer of my eyes open wide behing the glasses and a surprised "Again??" through laughter hardly kept.

I feel sorry for him and don't want to hurt him - what for? And I guess it's not only me who can't help laughing at him. But how can a person be so... Ok, I'll shut up.

@настроение: lol

---

Woman O_o

At work now. Then - to the local supermarket to buy sth for the huge white Angora. I am still reachable by phone. ^^

I'll cook something for myself and will sit down at the open balcony for my evening coffee. Laptop right on the floor in the middle of the room - the source of music. And I'm going to work at night - the article about rock musicians is still in progress ^^ I'll have the Neko Hime on my laps...

Know what? She lay down on my clothes today when I was just about to fly out to work. A big white pile of arrogant noble fur pressed my white corset to the sofa looking at me sadly. And I understood she didn't want to let me go.

I have also started a new personal trend - coming out on the balcony with a towel on my head and Japanese mud on face. =)))) Fear me, neighbors!! Yep, I know there's a guy living in the apartment above.

I brought the sewing machine there as well, so I'll exist in a new way - work, household (LOL, a desperate housewife? XD), sewing and writing.
And even more arrogant plans:

Sure it won't shock/disappoint you?

As soon as I finish the dress and the article, I'll call I.M. to meet him to talk about publishing And to make him catch a visual shock. *OMFG, am I talking like her? Nope, I do not say I am the 1st one!!*

Got to go back to work.
Btw, here's only one GREAT risk - and that's why I am careful. I might easily run into The One Who Tamed Me. So I don't come out without makeup. Anyway, he doesn't like me because my hair is black and dyed...
And here's my companion, Taiska, the neko hime:

@музыка: something in a colleague's headphones

@настроение: satisfied

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Foreign light

I realised he really brought light to my existence. I could do a lot of things - just to tell him about this. He seemed to be interested in what I did - or just pretended he was.

I thought of him when felt bad, thought I'll come home in the evening to talk to him - and everything bad will disappear. Everything had been this way until we lost contact. I wish he appeared online one day... I've got so much to tell and ask...

---

Tomorrow is my 1st day at work this summer. And I'm scared to go there... ... ...
And my biggest dream at the moment is the same again - to hold someone's hand for a while...

---

According to the questions I am often asked... I'll post these things here to make everything clear.

Think twice before you open this

Yes, I am a virgin and not going to lose it.
And - yes, I am asexual.

@музыка: Amy Lee: Sally's song

@настроение: lonely

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Stolen from  Christabel

Questions stuff

1) Кошелек – Nightmare before Christmas patterned, a gift from my cousin
2) Зубную щетку – Blue/transparent blue
3) Расческу – Dark blue
4) Украшения, ежедневно носимые – Silver earrings with an ankh pendant attached (gift from aunt )
5) Наволочку – flowers on a green background
6) одеяло – same pattern
7) Чайную чашку – Black with bright flowers
8) Нижнее белье – White
9) Любимые духи – J'Adore by Dior
10) Какой диск сейчас играет? – The Cruxshadows
11) Во что сейчас одет? - G-string pants...
Часть вторая - кто или что:

Во рту – a biscuit
В голове – loneliness/emptiness
Желание – to go back in time
Кого бы ты убил, если бы была возможность? – myself, goth whores and those whom The One Who Tamed Me likes
Кого бы ты хотел сейчас увидеть? – Dennis
Любимое кино – Moonchild (for now), Corpse Bride, What The Bleep Do We Know
Любимая группа - Apocalyptica, The Cruxshadows, Evanescence and lots more
Любимая книга- "The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice
Что с нетерпением ждешь в следующем месяце? – going to the Carpathians to meet friends
Что последнее съел? – honey biscuits
Что последнее выпил? – coffee
Чего смертельно боишься? – that everything will continue going this "after-the-operation" way, that my eye will be like this or worse forever
Нравятся свечи? – yes
Нравится вкус крови? – nope
Веришь в любовь? -not anymore
Веришь в родственные души? - yes
Веришь в Рай? – yes
Веришь в Бога? – yes
Кто твой самый злейший враг? – beauty addiction of the world
Что заставит тебя заплакать? – nearly anything (((
Что заставит тебя засмеяться? – some extremely stupid joke or a stupid American comedy
Что ты хочешь получить на день рождения? – I wish the b-day never came
Что тебе обычно дарят? – gifts ^^
Тебе нравятся открытки? – of course

тело:

Кусаешь ногти? - no
Можешь сворачивать язык? – no
Можешь поднимать одну бровь? - no
Можешь пускать кольца дыма? – no
Можешь собирать глаза в кучу? – yes
Как часто ты чистишь зубы? – 2 or 3 times
Как часто принимаешь душ? – each time I feel I need it
Как долго ты принимаешь душ? – 10 minutes is the least ^^
Как сушишь волосы? – I let them dry naturally mostly
Красишь ногти? – sometimes
Тебе нравятся накладные ногти? – no

Ты:

Куришь: no
Пьешь кофе: yes
Принимаешь наркотики: no
Спишь с мягкими игрушками: yes... if my cat counts ^^
Видел несколько раз один и тот же сон: yes.
Умеешь играть на каком-нибудь муз интструменте: no
Веришь в жизнь на других планетах: sometimes...
Читаешь газеты: of course, that's my delirium
Ты заботишься о своей внешности: not anymore
Заботишься о друзьях и семье: I do my best...
Любишь вкус алкоголя: nope

Ты когда-либо:

Напивался до отключки: ну чтоб не помнить- almost
Пропускал школу/универ/работу из-за того, что на улице шел дождь: no
Совал части тела в огонь для развлечения: no
Был ранен ментально/ранили душу: not sure
Хранил что-то в секрете ото всех: yes
Имел воображаемого друга: still have a half-real image
Плакал от фильма/во время фильма: yes
Влюблялся в училку/препода: yes a female teacher
Выступал на сцене: yes
Стриг волосы: nope

Ты веришь в:

Себя: no
Друзей: of course!!
Судьбу/карму: yes
Деда Мороза: in the Ukrainian character like that
Привидений: yes
НЛО: yes, and think they're kind ^^

If you opened it, you've got to do it!
Bedroom survey
No lying!

Do you have the following in your bedroom:

Condoms: no

Cell phone: yes

chair/stool: I do
Book shelf: of course

Dresser: sth like that

Computer/laptop: laptop

Pictures: a lot of those

Mirror: nope, thanx God

Bed: 2 sofas

Clothes on the floor: not anymore

Surfboard/Snowboard/Skateboard: no
Smoke detector: no

Piano/keyboard/Guitar/bass/drums: no

Locking door: no

Blacklight: no.

CDs: yes

Stop sign: no

Cigarettes: no

Any drug: sleeping pills if that counts

Alcohol bottles: no

Stereo: no

Television: yes

iPOD: no, but my voice recorder instead

Lighter: yes

How many windows do you have in your room?
1

Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
everywhere

What color is your bed sheet?
flowers on a green bck

What's on your wall?
wallpapers

Has the opposite sex been in your room before?
well... if that one is of opposite sex - then yes, when cared for me after the surgery

Has the opposite sex been on your bed?
again, if he's of opposite sex - then yes, he sat near me all the time

Has the opposite sex slept in your bed?
no

Anyone other than you ever had sex in your bed?
neither me nor anyone

Who usually sleeps in your bed other than you?
my cat ^^

---

For Miya at her b-day :)

Let each of your days begin from a touch of blue lips on your face. Either real or imaginary - as this has a lot of meanings...

@музыка: Cruxshadows: Birthday

---

Dear mum and dad,

You tell me I will lose friends soon as I am always on my own and go everywhere on my own.

But if I have an opportunity to go out - no, you don't forbid me - you just make my mood bad enough to lose all desire to hang out. If I go out, I know what a punishment I will receive later. From both.

I will soon lose friends because of my dear mum and dad. They love watching me sitting at home at the laptop or sewing machine. And then "Why don't you go out?"

I love you, mum and dad.
In case you're reading this - I guess you are as you're able to check anything pretending we're friends.

And - yes, I do drink when you make me upset.
I am addicted to sleeping pills.
That's all you should know about me in case you use my laptop if I carelessly leave it open again.

@настроение: depressed

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Part 3. Proved the failure.

There is no love untouched by hate

No unity without discord

There is no courage without fear

There is no peace without a war

There is no wisdom without regret

No admiration without scorn

There is strife within the tempest

But there is calm in the eye of the storm... (c)

Nothing has gained artificial colors back

Edge of conscious perception


Drunk flowers










A goodbye

@музыка: still the same

@настроение: lonely

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Part 2

As I tried to add more colors...

Expect part 3 in the next post...

@музыка: Cruxshadows: Perfect

@настроение: lonely