Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
He answered me and liked my manicure!!! So nice... There was even a "how are you?" question! I thought I've already forgotten what it is...
I never forget minutes like that. Maybe some get under my consciousness as time passes - and this is not forgetting, on the contrary - they get deeper and become sth subconscious. I remember these minutes when experiencing hard times - at least it sometimes kills a part of pain.
Right, nothing helped me tonight and I've bit a hole in the blanket while trying to shut myself up not to howl from pain. Even the stupid movie didn't help me. The previous night it resulted in a dream about dead dolls, internet/ICQ, white transparent flowers, the biologist and a big blue room with my friend and one more girl.
I'm visiting my doctor tomorrow. Already nervous as a lot of things depend on what she says. She's a cool woman and a wonderful doctor. But I cannot do anything with my fear of doctors, approximately from the age of 3.
I'll be remembering what he said to me today. A strange feeling of someone being not indifferent about me. Yes, I know it's just my feeling and I'm not more than a name in the contact list. I have nobody and I'm an empty place.
I have my own artificial reality. With imaginary feelings, a drawn sky and crocheted plants. With animals instead of people and most people with mosquito souls. Where plants understand everything and answer when being talked to. Where nobody sees my ugly face and nobody drinks and then gets disappointed. In my thought-of world there are now whores...
Thanx to My Prince, he said I'm not ugly. I'm afraid of disappointing him, he hasn't seen me in reality... Beauties can't have different cut eyes. How can it be? A beauty is better than all the others. How can I be like that if I'm known to be the worst?
I will be thinking of him tomorrow not to be too scared. Anything can happen. If things won't go to bad, I'll be back in less than 2 days. But who knows...
I never forget minutes like that. Maybe some get under my consciousness as time passes - and this is not forgetting, on the contrary - they get deeper and become sth subconscious. I remember these minutes when experiencing hard times - at least it sometimes kills a part of pain.
Right, nothing helped me tonight and I've bit a hole in the blanket while trying to shut myself up not to howl from pain. Even the stupid movie didn't help me. The previous night it resulted in a dream about dead dolls, internet/ICQ, white transparent flowers, the biologist and a big blue room with my friend and one more girl.
I'm visiting my doctor tomorrow. Already nervous as a lot of things depend on what she says. She's a cool woman and a wonderful doctor. But I cannot do anything with my fear of doctors, approximately from the age of 3.
I'll be remembering what he said to me today. A strange feeling of someone being not indifferent about me. Yes, I know it's just my feeling and I'm not more than a name in the contact list. I have nobody and I'm an empty place.
I have my own artificial reality. With imaginary feelings, a drawn sky and crocheted plants. With animals instead of people and most people with mosquito souls. Where plants understand everything and answer when being talked to. Where nobody sees my ugly face and nobody drinks and then gets disappointed. In my thought-of world there are now whores...
Thanx to My Prince, he said I'm not ugly. I'm afraid of disappointing him, he hasn't seen me in reality... Beauties can't have different cut eyes. How can it be? A beauty is better than all the others. How can I be like that if I'm known to be the worst?
I will be thinking of him tomorrow not to be too scared. Anything can happen. If things won't go to bad, I'll be back in less than 2 days. But who knows...
Bye for now.
Gute Nacht!
Gute Nacht!
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21.02.2008 в 15:57YEES!!!! I know! I was sure)))
fear of doctors
If she a really good doctor what are you fear? Shut up) Keep youself calmly.)) Everything go to be OK))
He said you are not ugly. He is interested in you. He likes you. Maybe, for begining you try to be just a friend? Learn about him more and then. when you was sure that it is exactly the right man-you can..mm...go to he another level))
Beauties can't have different cut eyes
Can I ask you? Who is from stars are really beautiful for you. Whom you can call "idol"?
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21.02.2008 в 19:42She's a perfect doctor, a big boss. She had a conference today, so I'll see her on March,3.
yes, he said it, but he has seen only a few pics, not the real ugly me. I have cut eyes!!! We're friends, but not more, there are so many girls around him, and they're all perfect. Guys like girls with small height, childish faces and piercings. I'm not one of those. I am not sure there can be anyone who would be able to be with me. I'm a jealous bitch...
I don't have idols, I hate the cult of personality. I hate the drawn outer beauty, I hate female goth stars most of all,they create the ideal images of a woman in guys' brains. (or d***s?) I respect Amy Lee - she doesn't "show herself off". Beauty? All whores are beautiful as they're not me. Not depending on if they're famous or not.
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21.02.2008 в 20:27Amy Lee. he doesn't beauty at all. But she has a talant, a boyfriend, a respect.
You are only 16(17?)/ Everything at the future. There is no perfect people. Even sun has a dark places. Everyone has it's own disadvantages and negative points. But maybe those girls don't show them? And what about you? What about learning to hide you disadvantages and show you positive sides? Oh, please, don't tell me that you don't have it. Stop regretting youself. Everyone make his destiny by himself. Do something. Do you best))) Work hard, develop your skills and try to be a respect woman. A big boss. If you really love him be more patient. And if it will be nessesary let him.
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21.02.2008 в 20:53I have no future, it's true. Yes, also no positive sides. I'm a mistake of nature and I hate myself.
There are perfect people - whores. Everyone loves them. Even though they have no sense of shame. many people tell me I should have been born in the 18th century.
Destiny cannot be changed, if it could, I'd have killed the whore a long time ago. I do my best - and what? Nothing. It's impossible to respect an ugly one. A big boss must be talented - and I'm not. I am not sure if I still have the ability to love... I also know he'll soon ask me to fuck off, as everyone does. It's ok, I'm used to it. destiny and existence isn't as simple as we want them to be...
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21.02.2008 в 21:03Поживем-увидим
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21.02.2008 в 21:28-
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22.02.2008 в 16:37ну как?
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22.02.2008 в 21:24-
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23.02.2008 в 09:13не слишком ли уж долго ждать?( 2 недели(
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23.02.2008 в 13:33