The windowsill again... I'm sitting on it looking down. Not much is needed to break this circle of loneliness. I'm sure there are no happy couples and loved girls in all places where people go after they pass away. So I might do one of 2 things - step out there or in here to take another coffee.
Many people say I'm insane about the idea of having a relationship. But it is not this way - I will never accept anyone, the person I'd be able to be with doesn't exist anymore. For 3 years already. I am just dreaming too often. Dreaming of someone to be near me and accept me as I am. Impossible, I know. That's why I'm doing my best to kill dreams. They're useless. And ugly big females have no right for them.
Sitting on a windowsill has been my habit for years. There's an option- in here or out there - unlike in real life where I have no choice being unable to change anything. This gives me an illusion of choice and helps to take loneliness and being single forever like a conscious choice. Just because there's no guy who would love me only and whom I'd ever accept.