I failed the try of the test... It wasn't a real one, just like an opportunity to see what I can when I know nothing. Anyway, hurts. Now I know how stupid I am.
Then we went to the channel, I had to meet the designer. Arranged everything - the bottom of my graduation dress and also a skirt - sth like a medieval one. Hope everything will be as I want it to be. And then...
...then I came to my dad and friend (a reporter) who were working with a video of an interview with Joachim Garraud, a French DJ. English spoken by a French is a nightmare!!! They could hardly define separate words because of the loud music and terrible pronunciation. So they asked me to help, they thoght they might be too tired. This all ended with daddy's leaving me and Julia alone in the editing room and we two finished the report having understood more than a half. Enough for a long report.
She thanked me. I felt somebody and not something. On the way home met people from dad's work - they were holding each other's hands. Pain? For a while. Then I thought: Do I care? I have more important things to feel. I'm somebody, not something. I managed to help and to be useful and needed.
Julia is so cool and kind to me, she seems to like me and is sincere in her attitude. She always makes my mood better. And she sees me.
Having come home I looked into the mirror. All illusions and dreams that seemed to have come true broke at once. I'm still the something with ugly different cut eyes, awful skin and hair, with a dead ugly face and a broken nail. No fairy tales exist for me. I am still nothing. So what if I helped them? This doesn't make me important. I just made myself think that way.
I wish I could break all the mirrors in the whole fuckin world...
"Take a look at yourself, not at anyone else..." (c)