23:33 

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Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I'd like to ask for permission to think out that sb needs me. Maybe I don't have a right to make this invention? Maybe it's sth illegal?
I'm ready to buy it. A kiss and a hug. But where? And for how much?

Erinnerung hasn't died yet. I just hide it deep inside - and the process of poisoning is going on. Especially when I'm there.

A kiss on my hand. And I had a spiky bracelet...
"Bye. Waiting for the next time I'll see you."
On the way home:
"Can you imagine - he kissed me on the hand and missed. He kissed the spikes on my bracelet!"
"Omg, you must have hurt him."
"Maybe. But he hasn't said a word - that's a good sign. he understood I didn't mean it."


Old newspapers are thrown away. Sth is always useless. Useless pain in a useless package. That's it.
No more memory in the brain. All stuffed with useless information with an unknown virus - so that it cannot be deleted. The end of yesterday is not always the beginning of today or tomorrow.

I will not forgive - despite I had a crazy idea to do it. To call the author of the CV I have recently found online and say I need him. Do I really need the walking deception? No. Not now. I need the attitude. And I think I'll have to buy it. Like a vitally important medicine. It's the only way to get to the far away tomorrow longer than a few months.






You know, I'm watching you, scientist...













@музыка: Diary of Dreams: Killers

@настроение: desperately corrupt

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
The email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd give a life for it 4 years ago. It's true now. Unbelievable!!!
Fuckin great.
Nothing else matters.
*in the sky on air*

@музыка: Елена Войнаровская: Генератор ненужной боли

@настроение: FUCKIN HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

23:47

Hate!

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I hate beauties.
I hate beauties.
I hate beauties.
I hate beauties.
I hate beauties.
I hate beauties.
I hate beauties.
I HATEbeauties.
I HATE models.
I HATE whores.
Shut up, ugly face. Nobody asks you, Orchid.

@музыка: London After Midnight: Hate!

@настроение: HATE!!!!!

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
He answered me and liked my manicure!!! So nice... There was even a "how are you?" question! I thought I've already forgotten what it is...

I never forget minutes like that. Maybe some get under my consciousness as time passes - and this is not forgetting, on the contrary - they get deeper and become sth subconscious. I remember these minutes when experiencing hard times - at least it sometimes kills a part of pain.
Right, nothing helped me tonight and I've bit a hole in the blanket while trying to shut myself up not to howl from pain. Even the stupid movie didn't help me. The previous night it resulted in a dream about dead dolls, internet/ICQ, white transparent flowers, the biologist and a big blue room with my friend and one more girl.

I'm visiting my doctor tomorrow. Already nervous as a lot of things depend on what she says. She's a cool woman and a wonderful doctor. But I cannot do anything with my fear of doctors, approximately from the age of 3.

I'll be remembering what he said to me today. A strange feeling of someone being not indifferent about me. Yes, I know it's just my feeling and I'm not more than a name in the contact list. I have nobody and I'm an empty place.

I have my own artificial reality. With imaginary feelings, a drawn sky and crocheted plants. With animals instead of people and most people with mosquito souls. Where plants understand everything and answer when being talked to. Where nobody sees my ugly face and nobody drinks and then gets disappointed. In my thought-of world there are now whores...

Thanx to My Prince, he said I'm not ugly. I'm afraid of disappointing him, he hasn't seen me in reality... Beauties can't have different cut eyes. How can it be? A beauty is better than all the others. How can I be like that if I'm known to be the worst?

I will be thinking of him tomorrow not to be too scared. Anything can happen. If things won't go to bad, I'll be back in less than 2 days. But who knows...

Bye for now.
Gute Nacht!




@музыка: Amurekimuri: Good Night

@настроение: grateful and a bit scared

19:04

Welcome!

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
A new reader of my diary!
 Deorum , welcome! :)



Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
Yes, I know I'm stupid and crazy. But I'll do it to prove money can do everything - right, all media do their best to get more money from anywhere. Budget is everything. And they'll "eat" all things that can be eaten. XDD


I need your help:
#1
#2
#3








Вопрос: What pic would be the best (I mean- not too stupid) for a last page of a newspaper?
1. #1 
6  (50%)
2. #2 
0  (0%)
3. #3 
6  (50%)
4. All are ugly, kill yourself against the wall 
0  (0%)
Всего:   12
Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.


I'm sorry.
I wish I could change at least sth...



@музыка: Ольга Пулатова: На краю

@настроение: lonely

00:20

For guys

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.

You want beauty? Don't you want to fuck off? Yes, I'm ugly with my eyes.
Here, hang yourself on your trousers:



@музыка: Fleur: Голос

@настроение: depressing angry

22:31 

Доступ к записи ограничен

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I feel I'm gonna lose sth important in my existence. As if sth bad is going to happen. I can't explain it. Just a feeling.
If sth happens - please, do not forget.
I don't know what this is.

@музыка: Dream Theater: Answer lies within

@настроение: anxious

21:38

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I
will
NEVER
try
drugs.


Don't even try to persuade me.


@музыка: The Cruxshadows: Deception

@настроение: angry

19:41

Definitely

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I'm not of the type of girls he likes.
I'm the one who studies and always thinks about all possible consequences of each thing done.
I'm scared of going out. Because people laugh at me and I'm ugly.
YES, YOU'RE RIGHT - I'm a kickout.
My attitude hasn't changed.

@музыка: Evanescence: Give unto me

@настроение: down

16:27

Current

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
Snowing outside. My wet hair. A cup of hot tea. And I'm staring out of the window again, out into the real world...
A man putting sth in his car and going somewhere... Kids playing and it seems to me I can see their smiles. Bare trees and an elderly woman going somewhere. What's her destination? And what is being done at the opposite part of the Earth at the moment?

German nails on the keyboard... The 5th day of the diet.
A report about brain cells. Are mine dying at the moment? And can we send some signs to the ones we're thinking of?
In Australia scientists have discovered a possible way of treating brain diseases like stroke and Alzheimer's disease. Old people doing some exercise. A sleeping child. Serious scientists with something really "human" in their eyes - yes, they're people too, and they seem to be excited because of the results of the research. Serious people are able to have serious- that means true, real - emotions. Something written on the blackboard behind the speaking professor.

Ukrainian metal. I'm proud of being a Ukrainian. Proud of my nation. But ashamed of my country.

We're going somewhere leaving sth behind.
I don't recognize the reflection in the mirror, the recorded voice often spoiled by the video engineer.
What is going on at the other end of this world? What about the other end of the whole Universe? On another side of the Moon there is the soul of... I cannot see it... Now...


@музыка: Полинове поле: Чорна рілля

@настроение: flying

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.

@музыка: Otto Dix: Beloved German =)

@настроение: German...

21:53

$

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
How much does respect cost?
How much would I have to pay for a minute of being admired?
What is the price of love?
Maybe this all can be bought only by those perfect people?
What currency can be used?
How about online shopping?
It's the only way out for me...

@настроение: desperate

20:44

Fed up

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I'm tired.
I'll never do your orders. Don't ask me for anything.
I love you, friend. You fuck me off a part of your life - and then ask me to do sth for you. I will - as I never break promises. But now I know who you are.
Thank you. I'm not sure you'll read this, but who knows...



@музыка: do you care?

@настроение: you make me sick

18:36

Why not?

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I was planning to visit my Granny today. Before that my best friend came, we haven't seen each other for a long time. She took some pics of my new German manicure. But I didn't manage to do manicure as I started losing consciousness in front of the mirror. Never thought it can be so painful. Is death also painful like this?
...and I was dreaming of Him to be with me... I know it's stupid. Impossible. But can anyone control dreams?

@музыка: Moi dix Mois: Metaphysical

@настроение: half conscious

20:31

My insanity

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
I'm doing manicure of the colors of you...
I think I've lost my mind. Did I ever have it?

@музыка: Within Temptation: What have you done?

@настроение: crushed

Your whisper is fast and silent. Those are newsreaders.
A small blue message in the right lower corner of the computer screen: *** Offline. He was here. And went somewhere.
Today is the 2nd day of my special hard diet...





@музыка: Ольга Пулатова: Никто не должен прийти

@настроение: lonely