*invisible*

@музыка: Anathema: Parisienne Moonlight

@настроение: can you see it? never mind...

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Had a nosebleed when heard a song that made me think of My German Prince....

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I've changed the job. From next week I will be working for an information agency at an IT portal.
Details are in the previous post - Not another goth diary. That is the one I promised.

Btw, forgot to tell you - just click on that flower photo.

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Not another goth diary

Day 2. 22.08.2009 21:42

They are even here. But I don’t care, as I’m surrounded by princesses only. I combed hair of one of them in the morning – her hair is waist-long and curly. I’ve once posted a pic of her. She was bitten by a wasp and couldn’t move her hand properly. I had been playing with a living doll!!! ^__^
I presented the jewelry to another princess – it had been made by me especially for me. She asked me to make blue ones too! Her fave colors are pink and blue – a sweet lolita in mind, as she has no access to the internet for now. She was boasting to her friend, dad and granny.
For some reason things that make me worry most of all are written about in the local youth newspaper. It is this way since I read that newspaper for the first time. Maybe it’s because some of its journalists read my blog? =)))
P.S. I do not use the lighter while here.
Princess Solomiya:


Now playing: Lystopad – Smoke on the water (Deep Purple cover)
Mood: sweet

23:50 (for @diary ONLY)

OMG, OMG, OMG… I’ve caught the wave, I cannot fall now, cannot and shouldn’t fall. I cannot make people from University pull me down, but how? “A stupid shy freak…” - how some of them call me.


Day 3. 23.08.2009

If the mountain doesn’t walk – the bikers ride. (c)
Rock on!
Now playing: just gonna listen some rock
Mood: pleasantly shocked


23:58

Too many weird things happening around me. They’re connected by tangled bounds of consciousness, memories, notes and unconscious Wild Desire To See A Certain Person.

Now playing: LaFee – Warum
Mood: indefinite/thoughtful/shocked

Day 4. 24.08.2009 14:22
Orchid, you’re a brainless blonde!!! Sent a message to a friend, he seems impossibly shocked in the reply and asks if I haven’t mixed anything up. And asks how my cousin is. I got suspicious as well and asked if he was the one I met in Yaremche. He said I was mistaken – that turned out to be the phone number of my cousin’s dad, who has the same name as my friend. LOL.. Such a shame.
Now playing: going to listen to Monolit
Mood: ashamed

21:45
A friend called and offered going to a concert on September, 19 – he has 2 press IDs. I guess I’ll go there, and it’s so nice of him to invite me!!! Moreover, he told me such a pleasant thing… in fact he said this as an answer to my suggestion to kill me for having forgotten about his b-day. I haven’t been online for a while, and didn’t see the reminding of the social network we’re both in. So I promised to have a bottle of non-alcoholic beer for this holiday. ^___^ I think I’ll post a photo later! =))

And the manager and guitarist of the rock band from Ivano-Frankivsk told me to call if I’m in their city)))

Seeing the ex-editor of my fave local newspaper (that, unfortunately, doesn’t exist anymore) and visiting the rock cafe in Kolomyja city has also been planned for the next few days. =)

2 job offers in a single week…of vacation! The last one seems to be awesome – the topics are IT-related, they offer 8 time as much money as I earn here. 3 articles a week, publishing news and brief comments of professionals on a site – this is an internet site of a media agency. I will think over it…
The funniest thing is that people who know me since I was just a project of mum and dad, or a 1 or 2-years-old piece of meat, find my articles on the net and then call my relatives to ask if “that is the same girl”.
At the same time, I fear leaving all trouble at the channel for my dad- we were going to have changes there from September, and he relied on me. In fact I was just to control the student girls who would come for practice. But if I think of it – I might lose a great step on the career way. Friends advice me to be an egoist in these questions. But I try to think I will also be able to bring more to the family budget…
Anyway, changes have always scared me. On the other hand, this would make me fly above the University trouble – mental ones, I mean.
I know this might be a high jump. A risky one. That is – I might fall. So I need at least someone who would still like (in a perfect reality of mine - love) me if I fall. Or even catch me if I fall, but I know this is impossible. I just need someone who would still sincerely like me if I fail.

I’m a bit nervous. And nobody knows what I need to correct the situation. But it’s so simple… And, yes, stupid… … …

P.S. Met an extremely cute Pekinese doggy named Charlie. Dad asked him: “Who has slapped you with a brick?”


Now playing: 69 Days Of Static – Radio Protector
Mood: a bit scared, but excited in general

Day 5. 25.08.2009 23:06

Sat near the local waterfall thinking over the job offer… And it hurt me a bit when everyone I called rejected me today. I get more and more sure in the thought – less people around!!!

Looked through the pics of My German Prince and caught a thought. Give me about 3 days – and I’d find him in his city without having his contacts. ^^

I just hope the meeting with the one who picked me up almost a year ago will not fail. I hope…

Just typed the nickname of my ex-fiance by accident. Why is that??? And I’m afraid I will have panic fear if I come back to the city.

Yes, about the prediction… If I do not come back – please, forgive me and know I kept evil thoughts only to whores, whore-hoppers and deceivers. And I’m grateful to all of those who spent my last days with me, really or virtually. To all who haven’t forgotten me since I got ugly. I love all of you.
To The One Who Tamed Me, and who turned out to be in the mountains as well these days: you know, even though you don’t like me… something had started to appear inside of me. A feeling I am trying to destroy, but cannot for now…
To My German Prince – thank you for the Light you’ve given me. Light, Hope and Strength to survive those days.

Me at the waterfall:


23:15 (pink fluffy entry not to keep another goth diary)

Bought a bottle of non-alcoholic beer – and tomorrow I’ll drink it for the friend’s b-day! I hope a pic will be available – if I find someone to take it. It freaks me out to take pics of myself. So I prefer to be on the other side.

Now playing: Inborn Suffering - Monolith
Mood: lonely

Day 7. 27.08.2009 20:52

It’s a week since I’ve arrived here. But work has caught me here as well. I made the decision to go away from TV and work in an internet IT-related site. My fave teacher from University also told me to go ahead, and also praised me. It always makes me so happy when he does this! =)))
Unfortunately, my article has not been accepted to the magazine as the editor said my rock friends “are not popular enough”. So I decided to publish the article in “The Day” newspaper.
And the voice of K. … Even when busy, both in songs and phone conversations – so kind and comforting, giving me the strength to do something later. And, maybe, this failure has been given to me to lengthen the pleasure of personal communicating with K.?
I know I shouldn’t even think of him, I have no right to fall in love as I already know what it will bring me.
Now sent a message to him, having coffee and translating the article into English. Thinking of the kind manner of talking K. has, and I’m grateful to God for giving me an opportunity to talk to K. on the phone in person.
I shouldn’t even wonder about his attitude to me as I already know it – as to a journalist, of course. A person who writes about them.
In front of me:


Mood: busy
Now playing: Draconian – The Apostasy Canticle

Day 9. 29.08.2009 23:09
I’ve been to the rock cafe!!!
I keep a lot of weird things that are precious for me. Like, for example, a card of the owner of this cafe given to me by the bass guitarist of “Lystopad”. He has carried that card in his pocket for ages, and it’s a bit damaged on the sides and corners. Exactly where the number of the building had been written and I couldn’t figure out if it’s “10” or “16”. Dad was driving slowly when I suddenly said: “Here it is!!!” having seen some building site (!!!) and a poster of the “Catherine” rock cafe. Dad told me to find out if they were working, and then we noticed sth written on the fence – it said: “The entrance is there”. It still looked suspicious, so I asked some men who were there if the cafe was open. Some other man in chains and rock-style jewelry came out and said they will let me in. He turned out to be Vasyl “Mr. Quarter”, the owner of the place. And the place… Anyway, no words, just photos – and they deserve a separate post. =))

We sat for some hours talking, I was taking lots of pics until the moment the camera died. XD I hardly ever have that mood and feeling- in fact it’s almost the single feeling I can still have. Talking to a person I’ve met for the 1st time in my life, I felt as if I had known him for ages! =)) The feeling of home in an unknown place.
I also met Vasyl’s daughter and wife who also help him with the cafe business. He has great plans for the future, and I’m sure he will do that successfully.
I left a comment in the guestbook next to hundreds of those already left. And drew my butterfly orchid – sth like a sign. Btw, going to ask some artist to help me to make it look more or less aesthetic.
And my nickname was understood and accepted at once.
I will definitely make a separate trip to visit that place again. And again.
I was told the coolest hangout there is in the evening. So I know when and where to go. ^___^
Just a single pic from a huge - to be posted separately.


Now playing: Nightwish – Blue Eyes
Mood: rockin

Some additional weird pics:
A painful falling perspective


My insanity #...


Mr. ChairPaws ^^


Another pair of paws...


...and their owner with mum:


The games of modern kids - my nephew and cousin:

@музыка: Stratovarius: Black Diamond

@настроение: busy

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Time to get used to the fact I'm old...

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Got an idea for a new photoshoot... But still doubt if I should do that or not. Maybe it is really not mine?
I even don't get why I have a wish like that. I know I never look good.
Still going to call Mr.Dron to ask the prices.

Does anyone know where is it possible to get artificial hair?
Can't stand anything on my head except my natural hair, but it would be too long to wait until it grows to the length I want to have.

Вопрос: Call the photographer or not - that is the question...

1. Grab the phone and go on		11	(100%)
2. You've fucked me up with your stupid pics		0	(0%)
Всего:		11

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Orchid writes about online safety - and has had a great FAIL.
Awesome.
I warn people and have trouble myself. :-P

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Obama warned kids about stupid FB posts.

Obama’s Facebook warning

Thursday 10 September 2009 00:00



Amber Plum

Barak Obama has some
sobering advice for aspiring presidential candidates: be careful what
you post on Facebook, because it "might come back to haunt you".

That's what Obama told a ninth grader who asked how to become
President, when he spent 20 minutes with 32 high school students at the
US Wakefield High School.

"In the YouTube age whatever you do, it will be pulled up again
later somewhere in your life... And when you're young, you know, you
make mistakes and you do some stupid stuff," he said.

Obama's warning is backed by his own experience: his presidential
campaign was threatened when inflammatory comments from his former
pastor Reverend Jeremiah Wright turned up on YouTube. Since then,
several of his own captured off-the-cuff comments have sparked media
debate.

Obama also told the students they each had a responsibility to discover what they are good at and pursue it.

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About money, love and whoredom

If I get this job - I will get some money. If I get it - I will buy artificial love.
I also need to be brave enough to call and ask for those services.
Everything's simple. I will ask a male whore to meet me after University, let me run to him and embrace like I did to my Love. I'll take sth to be a little insane and to be able to pretend that is the person I meant. I will also ask to hold my hand and am going to pay him a bit more for not throwing up because of my eyes.
That's all I need.
And, as I've counted, that would approximately be $300.

@музыка: Bashnya Rowan: Freedom of choice

@настроение: lonely

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I like pretending everything is ok

Thanx to  kaori hayashi I also have a personal dancer. A nice barbie-like blonde in white is dancing on my desktop. I liked her as she looks like the dolls I had in childhood.
Writing again...
And found some music that seems to be a perfect soundtrack to this period of my existence.
Neither good not bad.
New carreer stage. Money. Plans.
Friends. Hobbies.
Ideas. Nationalism. I.M.
Loneliness.
Empty autumn. Rain not for me.
I like pretending everything is ok.

@музыка: Jean Sudbury/John Krovoza/Tom Tally - I Hate Everything About You

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Everyone likes someone.
Why is there nobody who likes me? ...

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Things that make me smile

Continuing the topic of what makes me smile...
There is something that's near me all the time when I work - it was intended to make me smile - as I was told. The flower.
I do smile each time I look at it.
And thanx to  Dmorok for it.

@музыка: Stratovarius: Forever

@настроение:

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Parents are home. I'm glad, but my freedom has come to an end. All stuff from the sofa has been put on my bed. >_< The table with cloth and sewing machine is gonna be put away.
Each time I will be away from home late in the vening, I will receive "WHERE ARE YOU?" mssages.
No more talks with myself.
No more Skype and Gmail webcam talks at night. ((
And I will have to be silent at night as everyone will be sleeping. ((((((

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Friends, thank you for the awesome evening mood!! Each rehearsal helps me write - I don't know why. I guess it is just an awesome mood. =)

And thanx to Reiha for holding my shirt. XDD

Coffee. Laptop. Waiting for mum and dad to arrive. Working on the article.

@музыка: Stratovarius: Black Diamond

@настроение: =)

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He seemed so intelligent and romantic from the 1st sight... I enjoyed the talk.
And then he fell down to toilet themes, just as a boy of about 10 years of age.
Disappointment.
Are all guys that stupid and wild?
I wouldn't like to believe this.

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True love is something that cannot be found. It can only be met.